Sunday, March 29, 2009
Cut me Loose
Alright. So here i go. Lately, I've been realizing, knowing, feeling, that as I grow older, the more I lose, more is lost, more is gone. It's such a let down knowing that it's happening to me. Because I don't want to lose them in my life. It just happens, I want to make things work out for me, but it seems like it's just meant to happen. I realize I'm losing my friends. All the friends I've had before are still there, but not how they were before. I miss them so much because I miss them. Being with them allows me to behave the way I am. They make me who I am. But without my friends, I'm just a person living on earth with nothing to hold on to. Nothing to laugh for, and nothing to get excited for. Yes, we might have our own significant other, but it's not like your significant other makes you behave the way you really are with your friends. My friends are far away, when we talk, it's great because there's no awkward gap or whatsoever, but it just sucks that you can't be around them when you instantly want to. Not like how it was before. Like i said earlier, as I grow older, the more I lose. It's not lost because there was a fault, but lost because of the circumstances. If only I could have them where I am, it's not an act of selfishness, but I'm a guy that wants to keep all his friendships alive, strong, and continually growing memories. You know what, I try as much to keep those bonds strong, but it's hard to keep it strong when the other side can't make it happen. It's just so dragging to do, and you come to realize it won't mean much if the other doesn't try. I just miss you. I miss those times of hanging out. I think I'm getting lonely, I don't want to get older with friends i just barely met. What the hell is that? I can't really be satisfied with that. It's just a substitute not good enough to live on. Lately my weekends have been good, but it would be better with friends I truly am comfortable with. College friends? They are fake, their culture is just so...i don't know, maybe two-faced? Good friends I have here, they're somewhere else in a different country, or either too busy with their other plans. Like I said, I try to make it happen, but the other side can't. I just miss my friends, I miss being with them. If things don't get better with them later on this year, then probably it would have to be my turn to be the "other side". I miss you all, I need that solid time with you all. I'm happy right now, but I would be happier with my friends right now.