Thursday, October 15, 2009

Nailed to the ground...

A bum right now, not by choice...or maybe it is. Fucking hell I have to wait til next September to start my senior year and get my degree. I'm not doing anything right now, except being me and all that comes with me. Ever since I got back from my short vacation, I was ready and excited to being back home. Days went by, I got to catch up with my friends, have some good conversations and just had a nice time being with friends. I was going to look for a job, but since it turns out that my sister wants to take me to where she's living, I decided not to look for a job because it would be at an awkward time. So hopefully i get my ticket by the end of this month to visit my sister. In the month of December I'll be going back to the Philippines to celebrate Christmas and new year. And "they" said I might have a chance to visit my brother in Canada in the month of January. So I'm thinking I'll be back in Jakarta around February. Sounds good for the moment, but let's see how it pans out.
Last night I was hanging out with my friends, just chilling at a friends dorm after watching a movie at the mall. I wanted to stay a little longer, but turns out, my family was already looking for me. And I didn't get to reply/call back their buzzes thanks to my very loud and strong vibrating phone.
Next day, my mom got home from doing whatever she does in the morning, I look at her, and she goes, "WHAT? YOU! WHAT TIME DID YOU GET HOME?!" I explained myself calmly because I had nothing to hide from what I was doing last night. She's pissed off because apparently I did not tell her where I was going, indeed I did, thus making me confused on why she has to get built up on asking me questions. Then she goes, "well you have to let your dad know where you are going, not just me." seems like my dad and mom don't talk about me. Why the hell do I have to go through both of you? Aren't you married? Isn't letting one of you know good enough? Anyway, I let my mom know my plans tomorrow, immediately she says I have to let my dad know. I know that, I was just letting you know first because you're right here already. Before my mom left off to go and do whatever busy errands she has, I ask for some cash. I gave her my reason why I need cash, because she asked. She gave me a bill and says that it will do till next week. I protest at how much I'm given, some fucking joke? That's not going to last till next week. That amount only lasts for an hour. So she added a few more, and I'm just like fuck it, I'll take it. And then the never ending complains come running in from her mouth. "You've got to save on money. You're always going out and spending money. Why don't you try and make us (mom and dad) happy?" The last sentence was delivered in a shrinking voice. But I heard that, isn't that the sweetest thing coming from a mother?! I just replied, "So I don't make you happy...ok."
It sucks. It really sucks hearing those words. I've been doing so well in my studies, and this is what I get. I'm not fucking around and causing trouble, and in their minds they think I am. All I'm doing is just having a good time with my friends. And the good time I'm having is just pure clean fun, nothing which would get me or my family in trouble or panic. My mom insists on associating money with friends. Fucking hell, you don't put a price tag on you're friends. The money you have does not represent the friends you have. Friends are not bought. My mom and dad also hates the fact that I come home late. Again, there is nothing wrong with what I do when I'm out. For christs sake I'm 21 years old, yet they look at me as some young teenager just realizing what's out there in the world. I just hate that you don't let me be me, I hate how the money you give me is covered in complaints, I hate how I can't be who I really am. Shit, if I could, I'd be living on my own and not give a damn on what you say. Why can't I have my space? Why can't you understand that I am responsible? I really thought I was doing alright for you, but nothing I do is ever enough for you to be happy. You don't love me for who I am, you love me just because I am your son. So you probably don't know who Chino is. All you know is the guy trapped in your house. I'm so tired of trying to please you, I'm so tired of hearing how you want me to be your child. Don't you get tired of repeating yourself? If only you would just let me be, I'd probably...I know I would be much happier.
Cheers to that!

1 comment:

  1. No matter how old we get, as long as we live under the same roof as them, we'd always get treated that way.


    Just dropping by prrehy. I know you got this..!